How Depression and Low Self-Worth Disrupt Our Relationships (and How We Start Healing)

When I sit across from clients who feel stuck in cycles of disconnection, conflict, or self-doubt, the pain underneath the surface is often deeper than it looks. Depression and low self-worth don’t just impact your mood, they quietly shape how you show up in relationships. You might find yourself shrinking in spaces where you should feel safe. Or saying “yes” when you really want to say “no,” just to avoid tension. Maybe you pull away before people can get too close, or you constantly question whether you're too much or not enough.

If any of that sounds familiar, I want you to know you’re not alone. I see this every day in my work, and I’ve felt it in my own journey, too.

Living with Depression

When you live with depression, your relationship with yourself often becomes strained. And when that foundation is cracked, well it starts showing up everywhere else. The people-pleasing. The over-explaining. The guilt for having needs. The shame that creeps in after a difficult conversation.

Many of us weren’t taught how to name our emotions, express needs, or set boundaries without guilt. And for Black folks, especially, survival sometimes meant silence or self-sacrifice. That doesn’t make you broken. It makes you human. And it means healing will require unlearning some deeply rooted messages.

Walking Through the Healing

Sometimes, healing doesn’t start with advice or a list of what to do next.It starts with curiosity. With asking yourself gently, “Where did I learn this idea about my worth?” or “Why do I feel like I have to earn love just by being useful or agreeable?”

There’s power in slowing down and simply noticing.Not judging. Not fixing. Just noticing.

You don’t have to have the perfect words, either. Some of the most important truths come out in unexpected ways, through music, journaling, color, movement, or a quiet moment when you’re finally still.

Healing doesn’t require perfection.It just asks you to be honest with yourself first.

Because once you start listening to what’s really going on inside, you can begin responding with care instead of criticism.That’s where things start to shift. That’s where the real work begins. Not as a project to fix, but as a return to yourself.

Before You Go: Try This Expressive Arts Activity

If any part of this blog spoke to you, I invite you to try this gentle self-expression practice. You don’t need to be “creative”, just curious and open.

🖍 Activity: The “What I Carry” Reflection

• Grab a piece of paper and divide it into two sides.

• On the left, write or draw the thoughts, emotions, and beliefs you’ve been carrying lately. Heavy ones. Old ones. Quiet ones.

• On the right, write or sketch the things you want to begin carrying instead, peace, permission, softness, boundaries, clarity.

There’s no wrong way to do this. Let your heart speak. Color outside the lines if you want to.

Then ask yourself: What’s one thing I can gently put down this month and what do I want to pick up instead?

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